


Timor & Familiarius

by girlycards, Maige



Series: Maige's Novis-Verse [6]
Category: Hellsing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Confessions, F/F, First Time, Maige's Novis-verse, some vague inspo from Marina's love+fear album
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:28:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27512314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlycards/pseuds/girlycards, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maige/pseuds/Maige
Summary: After Vilhelm's and Seras's return from Rio, Integra realizes some things, and comes to voice them.
Relationships: Integra Hellsing/Seras Victoria
Series: Maige's Novis-Verse [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781419
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	1. Timor

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Novis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22760917) by [Maige](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maige/pseuds/Maige). 



> Co-written by Maige! Thank you for split custody rights to your AU <3

Seras had always been  _ hers _ . Watching Alucard hold her, and Seras hug him. She tore her eyes away before she saw anymore. Or either of them saw  _ her. _

Her mind rushed with thoughts.

_ Seras had found someone else. _

_ She would always be her servant, yes. But nothing more, then? _ The sense that Seras was only tied to her by duty, and her attachment to Alucard was not only sought, but something more.

She was almost angry.

Angry at Seras, angry at Alucard, angry at herself for not realizing it sooner.

Secondary to the jealousy directed at Alucard. Jealous of the soft kiss she saw. Jealous of the way Alucard had wholly captured Seras’s attentions, affections and  _ love. _ Having previously had Seras all to herself made it all the more jarring.

She threw her pillow. She would usually seek Seras for comfort, but it would be of no comfort. She needed some kind of release.

A brief thought crossed her mind, as horrendous and anger filled as it was. She could  _ order _ Seras not to. She cursed herself immediately for even considering such a thing.

She grabbed the other pillow, holding onto it and burying her face in it.

She  _ shouldn’t _ even feel this way.

Seras was her pet, her servant. Not a lover.

Face buried in the pillow, she started to cry.

She had prided herself once for never allowing herself to be slighted in courting, but now she felt so  _ overwhelmed _ by a cacophony of emotions.

It just wasn’t  _ fair _ .

That she had to be bound by duty so tightly.

That Seras was bound by seals.

She sighed, turning over in bed.

She wanted to just go on like things were normal. Like she hadn’t seen anything. But she wasn’t quite sure how to, or if she even  _ could _ .

Every image she had ever imagined of Seras and her was revived in her thoughts, too. Images of closeness she had conjured and never quite been able to completely clear from her thoughts. She  _ wanted _ what Alucard had. She had closeness to Seras, always gentle, always  _ platonic _ . She wanted more, she wanted Seras to  _ want _ her.

And part of her wondered if she could ever have that.

  
  


She fell asleep and woke to find her pillow still damp with tears. It was quite early in the morning if the darkness outside the windows was anything to go by. She had even left the lamp on her bedside table on, and her suit on, now wrinkled and slightly sweaty. She undressed, changing into more appropriate nightclothes, even though she would be changing back into something more proper within a couple of hours. She could at least try to relax and have a cup of tea.

Bare feet were quiet on wooden steps as she went down to the kitchen, boiling the water and sighing. She went back to sit on a stool, sighing. She rarely made tea for herself anymore. Seras always offered in the evening, and Walter would occasionally bring her tea during the day.

She heard the water start to boil.

She didn’t even want tea that badly anymore. She just wanted Seras. But tea would at least give her something to do. She poured the water, dropping the teabag in and taking the cup with her back up the stairs. She heard a noise behind her and turned, adrenaline surging, teacup dropped to the ground and reaching for where her gun usually would be, and thankfully did not splash and burn her, by some miracle.

And then Seras appeared from the shadows, cheery, a bit concerned, but smiling softly at Integra nonetheless.

“You’re up late.”

Integra glanced down at the broken cup, and back at Seras. She wasn’t sure  _ what _ to say.

“I’ll make you a new cup of tea.”

“You don’t need to.”

Seras could  _ tell _ something was off, but decided not to comment. Her young master was still horribly tense and clearly on edge, and not just from being accidentally spooked. It wasn’t like Integra to be up late  _ and _ wandering the hallways.

“Come on,” she said, a sense of seriousness coming over her, a neat bit of shadow reaching to collect the broken bits from the floor. The tea itself could be cleaned up later. Integra followed her.

“Any reason you’re wandering the mansion?”

“It’s my job. Protecting the mansion, watching over  _ you _ ,” she glanced back at Integra.

She hated how easily that voice washed away a sliver of the anxiety, the stress and somehow made everything alright.  _ But it’s not alright. _ “And spooking me in the hallway.”

“More than that,” Seras smiled, putting the teapot back on the stove to boil, “What are you doing up so late?”

“Can’t sleep.”

Seras let out a soft sigh. Perhaps she needed to be more attentive to Integra’s sleep again. She had once used to use a small amount of hypnotic power to allow her to rest well, often singing until she was fast asleep. In fact, Integra hardly summoned her to her room as of late.

Integra sat back on the stool, and Seras popped herself up on the counter.

Integra felt her heart start to race  _ again. _ She wanted to tell Seras how she felt, find the words. But yet, Seras had already made it clear time and time again how she felt about Integra. And Integra wasn’t willing to move past the details, or how she read the situation.

‘It’s my job.’ ‘ Or the way Seras was always so  _ close _ . Small comments coming together to form a poorly assembled puzzle that Integra forced herself to find some conclusion from. And that conclusion was simple and finalized by seeing her with Alucard. The closeness they had was no longer unique to her and Seras.

“Thank you,” she managed.

“Of course,” Seras smiled again, scooting herself closer to Integra.

She felt her hands shaking slightly, and tightened them. Since when had Seras made her so  _ nervous? _ She had once made her feel so warm, so  _ soft. _ But now it felt just as choking as every other binding that she had.

"Seras—" her name was choked out.

"Yes?"

"Are… are you happy here?"

Seras cocked her head, unsure of what prompted her question. She had once hated it—Abraham's prying and Arthur's degeneracy—but Integra had been a kind master, and now quite the opposite was true.

"Of course. It  _ is _ my home, a place to rest, food, my  _ childe _ , and  _ you. _ "

Integra sighed softly, looking down, "I… saw you and Vilhelm downstairs earlier. I'm sorry." Guilt threatened to overwhelm her. She wondered if she shouldn't have mentioned it, that she shouldn't pry but she wanted to know. "I…" She stiffened, unable to continue. She felt like she was being choked.

Seras raised an eyebrow, "what… do you mean?"

"You were kissing him."

That answered several of Seras's questions. She scooted to the edge of the counter, looking at Integra, waiting for her to continue.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes."

Integra wanted to cry. Rather badly. She felt so childish. "I… do you love me?"

Seras looked confused for a moment.  _ Of course _ she loved Integra. "Yes, I love you."

Integra was shaking slightly, but her voice was serious, whispering. As if she was sharing a secret, and she supposed it was.

"I… I want to kiss you. I know I shouldn't… but I want to and I hate it."

Seras slid off the counter. She had never seen her master look so  _ defeated _ . Her hand went to take Integra's and she noted how stiff and shakey she'd become. It was so  _ unlike _ her. Seras had seen her mask slip many times, soft smiles filling Integra's face with gladness, but now, Integra wouldn't even meet her eyes.

"I hate it so, so much. I know you love me but… I love you  _ that _ way. I know you're just my… servant and I shouldn't, I know it's wrong and…"

She looked up as Seras's hand squeezed hers. She looked so calm, so caring. She looked back down at the hand in hers.

"What's wrong with that?" she was standing right in front of Integra.

"You're my servant. Its not supposed to be like this, ever. I'm going to ruin things."

"What have you ruined?"

Integra let out a sigh.

Seras pulled Integra's hand up to her lips, kissing it. Integra just stared, looking up again.

"I can kiss you, too, you know," she leaned in, smell of roses becoming even more intense with their closeness, "if that's what you want."

Integra felt like she couldn't breathe, just staring at Seras. Her servant's other hand cupped her face. Something even more intense than  _ want _ bloomed inside of her. And then it happened. Seras's lips brushed hers, and her eyes fell shut. After a couple of seconds of chaste kissing, Seras pulled away. Integra looked away again.

"That wasn't an… order."

"I know," she chuckled, pressing another kiss to Integra's forehead. "I wanted to, too."

Integra looked at her, "can… we kiss again?"

Seras leaned in, kissing her properly again, and Integra leaned into it this time, hand reaching to hold Seras's face. And when they pulled apart, Integra actually looked at Seras.

"Nothing's ruined, see?"

Integra nodded.

"Now let me get your tea done and you need to rest."

"I don't need the tea."


	2. Familiarius

Integra laid down, Seras getting in bed beside, although partially sitting up.

"Come here," she moved closer to Integra, until she finally manuevered Integra to lay her head on her lap, petting Integra's hair. She hummed softly and felt her start to relax.

Integra looped her arm around Seras, sighing softly, "I… I'm jealous. I… I want to be like him. To hold you. Kiss you. I…" she sighed again, "I feel like I can't have that."

Seras pet Integra's hair still. In the same ways she was bonded to servitude, Integra was tightly bound by duty. “We can have that.”

Integra was silent again, thinking. "What about Vilhelm?"

"I can love both of you."

Integra pushed herself back up, leaning in to kiss Seras again. Her hands went to hold her master's face, pulling Integra back with her.

And Integra felt like she was burning alive. They were  _ too close. _

_ I don't want to stop. But I should. _

She broke the kiss, flushing. Seras was slightly flushed, too.

_ What would more even entail? _

_ Could they do more? _

Integra just stared at Seras, unmoving until she pulled away again.

"You should rest. It's 3 am."

"I don't think I can, to be frank."

Seras hummed again instead of a response

"Also… don't let Walter  _ or _ Vilhelm find out about 'this.' That's an order."

"I won't."

Integra sighed softly, laying back on her pillow, and after a moment of deliberation, reached out to grab Seras’s hand, “Please stay, though.”

Seras smiled, “Of course.”

Integra’s hand remained in Seras’s for the early morning, and Seras felt a sense of calm, and her own time of deliberation of the present circumstances, beginning to hum in an attempt to send Integra off to sleep.

**-**

It was a slow, gradual build. Every couple of nights Seras coming to spend the evening with Integra. Leaning in to kiss, and if Integra felt comfortable enough, hold one another, pulling her arms around Seras to lie beside another or pulling her into her lap; at times, lying beside one another, Integra’s much larger form encasing Seras’s ( _ so safely) _ against her.

Integra's hand threaded through Seras's hair as they continued to kiss, hands growing more curious, but just as cautious. Seras encouraged her. Integra found herself getting more frustrated with each second by her own body's reactions and what she  _ wanted _ .

She wasn’t even quite sure what she wanted.

Their bodies grew slowly closer, until Integra was on top of Seras, kissing still.

Integra  _ wanted _ .

“Mmm… Seras.”

Seras made a soft sound, “Yes?”

“What… Can we do more?”

“Of course.”

“I… what can we do? I… want more.”

Seras felt a bit awkward, suddenly realizing she was going to have to move things along. She dragged her tongue along her teeth, an odd nervous habit Integra hadn’t noticed until now. “We can kiss other places… touch,” she reached for Integra’s hand, bringing it to her chest, unbuttoning a couple of her own blouse buttons in an attempt to encourage her, “Whatever you like.”

Integra had stopped flushing as intensely when they kissed and was now deeply flushing again when Seras placed her hand on her breast. She leaned in to kiss Seras again, hand experimentally fondling her breast through the fabric of her shirt. 

Her other hand finally found a place on Seras's hip, bodies slowly moving against each other. It was a comfortable rhythm, a slow grind between them, Integra continuing to let her hands travel. It elicited a wonderful reaction from both Seras, and to her own surprise, herself. Seras responded with relaxing to give Integra proper access as her hands would slip down to her thighs and then back up. Cautious, uncertain. Almost  _ shy _ .

“Can I touch you…?”

“Of course.”

Integra’s hand still lingered, a look on her face serious, thinking “It’s not an order. If you do not wish it…”

“I want you to.”

Integra’s hand continued up, hiking up Seras’s skirt. And then she stopped again, contemplating what to do next. She knew Seras would not criticize her, but she was not exactly looking to disappoint her beloved servant. Fingertips lightly brushing over the smooth fabric of her knickers, before deciding to remove them. A rather daunting task but completed all the same.

And then Integra went to touch Seras, kissing, fingers sliding across her, touch light and curious. Surprised by how wet she was, and the immediacy of her reaction. She felt Seras tense slightly and repeated the movement, Seras letting out a soft noise this time.

Integra reveled in the soft noises Seras made in response to her ministrations. Integra kissed her again, although gradually becoming more clumsy with both their focuses drifting elsewhere. Her finger circling and stroking her clit again and again and  _ again _ .

"Master…"

Her voice was somehow  _ higher _ than usual, Integra continued to revel in being the one to bring that voice out of her.

“Feel good?”

“Y-yes…”

Seras was starting to shift and move, hands grasping the sheets beneath them.

Integra’s hand moved a bit faster, no longer exploring but focused, watching her servant’s reactions with keen interest. Her eyes focused on  _ her _ master, and lips parted but still trying to retain some quiet.

Her unneeded breathes coming quicker, hips pressing against Integra for  _ more _ .

“Master…”

“Seras?”

“Please…”

Integra bit back her lip, applying a bit more pressure and trying something slightly different and felt Seras’s body respond, lower body jolting slightly and then relaxing again, and Integra became aware of how much wetter her hand was.

“Did you….?”

“...yeah.”

Integra just looked down at her, feeling oddly pleased and somehow calmer, and looking very much flushed.


End file.
